Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
