I cannot find my penis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
