you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
