It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
