got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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