New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Man, jail baloney is awful.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
