Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
as a side note pls kill me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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