i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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