I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
