I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
