I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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