So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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