so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
