i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
