His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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