Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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