what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
