She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
