I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
