Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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