i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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