There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize