Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
