my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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