dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
