it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
