So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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