I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
