But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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