IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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