You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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