I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
