he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
