the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
