I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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