dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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