i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
