She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
