Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
