I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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