she was so not down for the gang bang
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
