Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
