Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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