she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
