Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you never un-have a 4some
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
