Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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