i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
