He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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