dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
