Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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